Assertiveness Skills | Chronic Pain Support Group
We all think about what we would like to change; however, making changes is hard for most of us to do. It’s tough to keep moving forward while keeping yourself motivated. It’s also tough to express what you want to change effectively; that is why assertiveness skills are important. When living with chronic pain, we may not be able to change everything in our lives, but there are things we can choose to approach differently. The key is identifying what you want to change and communicating your needs clearly to others. That is where assertiveness skills can be helpful.
Often people living with chronic pain can get worn down and tend to lose their confidence and become more fearful. When your confidence is low, it is hard to express yourself clearly. When you can’t express yourself clearly, you can become frustrated. That is why assertiveness training is often offered as part of a multi-disciplinary approach for managing chronic pain.
Learning to become more assertive can help you communicate and set boundaries more clearly and easily. It can also help you feel more confident, self-assured, positive, and practical. After all, assertiveness is characterized by displaying confident statements and behavior.
Making Changes
Remember, change doesn’t occur overnight. If you are considering making some changes, start by making a list of what you want to change. After you compile that list, make a list of all of your good habits and your strengths so you can carry them with you when you start making some of the changes on your list. I know sometimes in the past, I have been resistant to change. When this happened, I would reflect on my attitude or how accepting I was in making the change to identify how I could improve how I felt about it. So, it may be helpful for you to ask yourself how you feel about making the change. Are you resisting it, or are you afraid of making it?
The most important thing in being successful in making changes is to have a clear idea of what you want to change and how you are going to accomplish it. Also remember that some changes may help make day-to-day life more manageable.
Tips for Assertiveness and Good Communication
Below are some tips for assertiveness and communication from NAPP Pharmaceuticals that I found in one of their guides to helping individuals in managing their pain.
- Think about what you want to say and make sure your message is clear. In other words, say what you mean.
- Try not to complain or become overly apologetic when talking.
- Try to remain calm and avoid shouting or raising your voice.
- When asking someone for help, explain what you are asking for and why. Use clear statements such as “I want,” “I don’t want,” “I am concerned about,” or “I need more information.”
- Always remember it is okay to ask questions, disagree respectfully, or change your mind.
Assertiveness isn’t about being demanding or gruff. It is about communicating what you need clearly and respectfully. Make sure to give yourself time to think about what you want to say, how you are going to express your needs, and remember that speaking up for yourself is an important part of being your own health advocate.
Key Takeaways
- Living with chronic pain can make it more difficult to speak up about what you need.
- Assertiveness is about communicating your needs, concerns, and boundaries clearly and respectfully.
- Make sure to take time to think about what you want to say before beginning important conversations.
- Clear “I” statements can help you explain what you want, need, or are concerned about.
- It’s fully within your rights to ask questions, disagree respectfully, and change your mind.
- Advocating for yourself includes asking for help and communicating your needs.
- Assertiveness is not about being demanding; it is about making sure your voice is heard.
For more practical tips and information, visit our Living With Chronic Pain Learning Center or visit the American Chronic Pain Association or the US Pain Foundation for more coping skills.
